Rant with much profanity

I haven’t gone on a rant for, oh, like a few weeks now, and I have a whole new batch of things that piss me off.

- Slow drivers. My wife continually yells at me for tailgating and harassing slow drivers, especially in the fast lane. “Why are you always in such a hurry?” Well, if you’re NOT in a hurry, why the fuck are you in a car? Shouldn’t you be walking or riding a bike? I mean, the whole reason for driving is to get somewhere QUICKLY. If that isn’t your intention, then get the hell out of my way.

- Smokers. OK, I know this is going to piss off all you smokers out there, but frankly, you’re a bunch of inconsiderate, cancerous shitheads. Listen, if you want to blacken your lungs in the privacy your house or your car, fine. Knock yourselves out. But I’m sick of people who smoke in public polluting the air of those unfortunate enough to be within breathing distance. You know how you can tell it’s a disgusting pointless habit? Every single smoker I know rolls down the window when they smoke in the car. Why? Because even they can’t stand the fucking smell. But they’re self-destructive and selfish enough to subject the rest of us to the fumes.

- Politically correct anything. Listen, it’s CHRISTMASTIME. Deal with it. I don’t even believe in God and I recognize Christmas as an important holiday for a lot of people. Sending “holiday” or “season’s greeting” cards sucks. Most of my Jewish friends don’t even care about Hanukkah or menorahs or yarmulkes. They celebrate Christmas too. Just because some whining non-Christian complained loudly, we changed Christmas Parties into Winter Formals and Holiday Gatherings. Now every freakin’ religion protests every other freakin’ religion’s practices and holidays, just to be irritating. Go back to the calendar we had in the 1970’s, those holidays were fine. Sheesh.

- Anime. When the fuck did this happen? When did Hello Kitty become iconic? These are frickin’ cartoons and teenagers (and maladjusted semi-adults) are buying this shit like it’s Soylent Green. There’s a whole sub-culture (emphasis on the “sub”) of anime collectors and readers who have somehow evolved from the socially inept D&D cretins and Pokemon nerds into Sailor Moon worshippers. I was in a Borders over the weekend and there was a whole frickin’ section of anime books, all written in the Japanese right-to-left style, like that provides some form of anti-establishment code or something. Seriously, click on the Next Blog button in the upper right corner and you’ll probably land on a blog idolizing some doe-eyed anime character that looks like Speed Racer in drag. Of course, none of these people ever have jobs or do anything productive.

Oh and what is up with this shorthand text messaging bullshit style of retard writing? That, and the aNNoyINg neW WRitinG that mixes caps and lower case letters, typically the province of rebellious and fucked-up Asians. Whatever happened to clear communicating? Why are these people bastardizing the language? Haven’t they heard about the abortive attempts to dumb down the language (ebonics and Esperanto)? Try popping some of that mixed cap writing with some OIC/LOL and throw in that pink Sailor Moon stationery for your next resume or job interview, and you’ll have plenty of time to practice your text messaging while you’re not working. Losers.