Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Witness for the murderer

OK, let’s say you’re friends with a guy. You knew him in high school, he seemed like a cool guy, pretty funny guy, beer drinker. He got married to a cheerleader type, perky and cute. You kinda lost touch for a little while, maybe you saw him around town. He seemed happy and still reasonably sociable.

Then you hear that his wife is missing. She was pregnant. Rumors start to pop up that this guy was cheating on his wife. He had a mistress in another city. He was a pathological liar. You still feel bad because he says he misses his wife during the holidays. Then his unborn son washes up in the bay. The next day, his wife’s dead body washes up. A couple of days later, the cops find your friend near the Mexican border. He dyed his hair, had his passport, and shitloads of cash.

The trial is a circus. There is a lot of circumstantial evidence against your friend, and NO evidence at all that would absolve him. After some jury drama, he’s found guilty of all charges in record time.

What kind of fucktard would still appear on his behalf at the sentencing?

So, apparently, every thinking human knows he’s guilty, but you think you know better. Not only does he NOT deserve the death penalty, but the jury was wrong wrong wrong, and he’s really innocent. You know what? We should give you the death penalty just for being stupid. Seriously.

Friday, December 03, 2004

BALCO and Barry

I’m disgusted. And embarrassed.

I’ve been one of Barry Bonds’ staunchest defenders.

Now it looks like :
a. He’s a lying cheat who knowingly used steroids to bulk up
b. He’s a brainless patsy who trusted a dirtbag with his career and physical well-being
c. He’s a devious jerk who knows the phrases “plausible deniability” and “don’t ask, don’t tell”
d. All of the above
e. He’s being set up as the fall guy and there is a .000000001 chance he’s really clean

While his (curiously leaked) grand jury testimony appears to be the “smoking gun”, it still falls short of Giambi’s outright admission. Gary Sheffield’s interview with ESPN sounded almost identical to what Bonds said last year behind closed doors, leading me to believe that they are either telling the truth (they used steroids, but didn’t know it at the time) or that the responses are part of a scripted Plan B (“The player will disavow any knowledge of their actions”)

Clearly, Bonds’ records should be under scrutiny and/or disdain, just as McGwire’s and Sosa’s records should. The question is whether they should be “asterisked” or deleted altogether, should the allegations be proven. I’m one of the “Steroids don’t help you hit the ball” crowd, although I firmly believe that the McGwires and Bonds of the world surpass the Sosas and Albert Belles since the latter pair used illegal bats rather than juiced bodies.

But suppose, just suppose, that Sheffield and Bonds are telling the truth? Does that mitigate their guilt or just make them look stupid? I mean, the last fifty years are filled with cautionary tales about athletes and celebrities being lied to, misled, and cheated out of millions of dollars. We’re told that “They want to focus on their craft/sport/field, so they have to trust others”. To me, that’s a copout. Your body is your responsibility, your money and your future is your responsibility, your family and your legacy is your responsibility. People nowadays are too willing to give up self-responsibility.

Still, it remains to be seen whether some of the “leaked” testimony is just a Memogate waiting to happen. Did anyone else notice that these “leaks” come on the two days before the Victor Conte interview on 20/20? Gee, what a coincidence! The leaks are clearly timed to help publicize Conte’s “exclusive”, pointing the finger directly at Conte’s team as the source. I won’t watch the interview. I have neither the time or inclination to sit through a full hour of an interview when I can wait for the post-game analysis and get the juicy (no pun intended) bits in five minutes.

Marion Jones will be thrown under the bus, probably right alongside Tim Montgomery. It remains to be seen whether ANY of the interview will be about Bonds, Giambi, or Sheffield. There is still the remote possibility that Conte lied to Anderson and Anderson passed the lie to Bonds and the other ballplayers. Remote. At best. Until tonight, when I watch SportsCenter through my fingers, I’ll hope that Barry Bonds is proven to be just plain stupid.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Rant with much profanity

I haven’t gone on a rant for, oh, like a few weeks now, and I have a whole new batch of things that piss me off.

- Slow drivers. My wife continually yells at me for tailgating and harassing slow drivers, especially in the fast lane. “Why are you always in such a hurry?” Well, if you’re NOT in a hurry, why the fuck are you in a car? Shouldn’t you be walking or riding a bike? I mean, the whole reason for driving is to get somewhere QUICKLY. If that isn’t your intention, then get the hell out of my way.

- Smokers. OK, I know this is going to piss off all you smokers out there, but frankly, you’re a bunch of inconsiderate, cancerous shitheads. Listen, if you want to blacken your lungs in the privacy your house or your car, fine. Knock yourselves out. But I’m sick of people who smoke in public polluting the air of those unfortunate enough to be within breathing distance. You know how you can tell it’s a disgusting pointless habit? Every single smoker I know rolls down the window when they smoke in the car. Why? Because even they can’t stand the fucking smell. But they’re self-destructive and selfish enough to subject the rest of us to the fumes.

- Politically correct anything. Listen, it’s CHRISTMASTIME. Deal with it. I don’t even believe in God and I recognize Christmas as an important holiday for a lot of people. Sending “holiday” or “season’s greeting” cards sucks. Most of my Jewish friends don’t even care about Hanukkah or menorahs or yarmulkes. They celebrate Christmas too. Just because some whining non-Christian complained loudly, we changed Christmas Parties into Winter Formals and Holiday Gatherings. Now every freakin’ religion protests every other freakin’ religion’s practices and holidays, just to be irritating. Go back to the calendar we had in the 1970’s, those holidays were fine. Sheesh.

- Anime. When the fuck did this happen? When did Hello Kitty become iconic? These are frickin’ cartoons and teenagers (and maladjusted semi-adults) are buying this shit like it’s Soylent Green. There’s a whole sub-culture (emphasis on the “sub”) of anime collectors and readers who have somehow evolved from the socially inept D&D cretins and Pokemon nerds into Sailor Moon worshippers. I was in a Borders over the weekend and there was a whole frickin’ section of anime books, all written in the Japanese right-to-left style, like that provides some form of anti-establishment code or something. Seriously, click on the Next Blog button in the upper right corner and you’ll probably land on a blog idolizing some doe-eyed anime character that looks like Speed Racer in drag. Of course, none of these people ever have jobs or do anything productive.

Oh and what is up with this shorthand text messaging bullshit style of retard writing? That, and the aNNoyINg neW WRitinG that mixes caps and lower case letters, typically the province of rebellious and fucked-up Asians. Whatever happened to clear communicating? Why are these people bastardizing the language? Haven’t they heard about the abortive attempts to dumb down the language (ebonics and Esperanto)? Try popping some of that mixed cap writing with some OIC/LOL and throw in that pink Sailor Moon stationery for your next resume or job interview, and you’ll have plenty of time to practice your text messaging while you’re not working. Losers.