An exercise in generalizations...

Many people have asked how I can be pro-choice, pro-gun control, and ambivalent about gays and gay marriage AND still be a Republican.

Simple, I’m concerned about MY family, MY finances, and MY security. It’s truly selfish, and the Republicans protect my completely self-centered view of the world. None of the social issues above are as pressing or as important day-to-day as keeping my family safe, paying taxes, and protecting the country.

Some others around the Internet have tried to prove demographic relationships between education, income, race, sexual orientation, and voting patterns. I think the truth lies in population density, because vote-able issues for individuals will vary based upon where they live, because that identifies their lifestyle choice just as much as education, income, etc. Densely populated urban areas tend to lean Democratic. These can be broken into low-income, multi-family housing (slums) and high-income, vertical housing (luxury condos and apartments). Less sprawling suburban and rural areas tend to tilt Republican. These are your single-family suburban Americana, Leave-it-to-Beaver neighborhoods and the farm/country areas. Vastly different priorities can be seen in WHERE people choose to live. Granted, there are gray areas in between these lifestyles, but the lifestyles tend to be pretty stark.

WARNING: GROSS GENERALIZATIONS AHEAD! PREJUDICE ALERT!

1. Low-income, multi-family (slums) – They tend to vote Democratic because they are at least partially dependent on government entitlements. It is in their best interest to have a liberal congressman, governor, and president to keep the gravy train running. I have no problem with them voting Democrat. It makes sense for them.

2. High-income, live in the city – A couple of possible crossovers with suburbia here. One big difference separates them though… NO KIDS. When was the last time you heard someone say “A big city is a great place to raise kids”? Never. Unless pissing winos, crack-addicted panhandlers, and pot-smoking bicycle couriers is your idea of a great place to raise kids.

So these might be recent college grads that got a job in the city because “that’s where the action is” or “that’s where the jobs are”. Idealistic and irresponsible, they vote Democratic because they’re young and rebellious and want to vote against the big business machine, ignoring the fact that the big business machine built their apartment/condo and owns their employer.

Single, rich city folk also fall here. These are the people you see in movies who have a ritzy apartment, usually with a doorman, but live empty solitary lives. No telling which way they will vote. If they’re completely self-centered, they’ll vote Republican because they hate taxes and want to hoard money. If they’re ex-flower children made good, then they’re vigorously liberal, feel guilty about the millions they made in the dot-coms, and vote Democrat through some sense of noblesse oblige.

3. Suburbia – OK, enough about “security moms” and “soccer moms”, dads vote too. Multiple schools of thought here, enough for a separate discussion, but several key groups:

· Union workers – Democrats. Period. And they should be. I’ve got a whole ‘nother essay about how Unions protect the incompetent and shaft the exceptional worker.

· Yuppies – Republicans. Yes, I know it’s an eighties term, but it fits. Dual income, kids in soccer, Little League, dance class. Own a minivan, want to upgrade houses but are settled into a comfortable mortgage that allows them to take vacations. (Yes, this is me). I want lower taxes, less spending on government entitlements like Welfare, farm subsidies, etc., better homeland security, and three strikes. Domestic security and taxes are the primary motivators here.

· Yuppies, but sensitive – These are Yuppies who have all of the above, but want everyone to have what they have. They might feel guilty that they work for a company that rapes the land and environment, and builds ghastly buildings that block the view, but they still accept their paycheck. They think that we shouldn’t build bombs but more doggie parks. They send money to Sally Struthers and do things like 5K walks for charity. Depending on the candidate, they can vote either way.

· Old, grumpy farts – These people bought their houses when the neighborhood was first built in the 1950’s. They don’t like paying taxes and they want to keep getting the COLA in their government checks. They’ll vote against the parcel tax for rebuilding the schools. After all, why should they pay more if their kids have already moved out? Taxes and Medicare/Social Security are the primary motivators here. Depending on their depth of religious conviction, they can vote either way.

· Softheads – I know a LOT of people in my little neck of suburbia that are complete softheads. They watch the news on TV or read the paper and parrot the views of whichever channel they watch or paper they read. CNN, Fox, CBS, NY Times, you can almost see someone else’s lips move when these people try to talk politics. They are so busy (or so ignorant), they don’t bother processing the information, so they merely regurgitate it as their own. Depending on which channel they watch, they can vote either way.

4. Farm/country living – Typically Republican. Moral values, family values, blah blah blah. They live outside of the city and suburbia because there is just too much damn crime there. They wanna raise their kids to learn the value of a hard day’s work, blah blah blah. This might be your God, gays, and guns arm of the GOP, but not necessarily. This is certainly the Democratic leadership’s opinion of the Republicans, which is a big reason why they’ve lost the last two elections.


I’ll bet you know people in every single one of these groups. Granted, the war on terrorism (and its bastard cousin, the war in Iraq) has added a new group to this analysis that has allies in all groups, the anti-war-at-any-costs brigade. This is the group that the Democrats counted on in the last election. The problem with that approach is that this group is a SUBSET of the other groups, and often, personal needs and values took mindshare and priority from an overseas war. Unless people were DIRECTLY touched by the Iraq war, it was unlikely to resonate in the voting booth as much as their personal convictions and self-interest.