Welcome to Day One of the Welfare States of America!

Now that the American people have overwhelmingly shouted their love of government financing for everything and handouts to the ineffectual and useless, it’s time to put down our cardboard signs asking for food and/or money… and celebrate!

Once again, my fundamental faith in the stupidity of the American voter has been proven to be gospel as the media-worshipping sheep successfully voted in a Senator who has accomplished absolutely nothing in his two years of active Senate service, except for publishing two autobiographies.

Congratulations to the Obama machine, CNN, CBS, CNBC, ABC, and all of Europe. The media’s unprecedented adoration of your candidate resulted in the most lopsided media coverage since… well, ever. And we all learned another fundamental truth about the American people: they will believe what they see on television. And this might ultimately be the lesson that the world takes from this debacle.

"When the people find they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic." – Ben Franklin


Other thoughts on this post-election day:

o Sun came up… check. I’m relatively healthy… check. Wife and kids are healthy… check. Work sucks… check. Life goes on.

o OK, like I said before, I really don’t care if gays get married, but the law is the law. Gay marriage has been voted down TWICE in California, of all states! Take a hint, people.

o The amazing thing is that Proposition 8 lost in a state where Obama completely obliterated McCain 61%-37%. Even if one assumes that every single McCain vote = a “Yes” vote, that means about a quarter of the Obama supporters joined them in voting against gay marriage. Think about that. Oh, and I know at least one person who voted for McCain and against Prop 8.

o Equally amazing is the overwhelming success of Prop 2, what I call the Chicken Liberation Act. Apparently, chickens and pigs in California felt neglected and cramped in their cages before they were slaughtered to make delicious KFC buckets and yummy bacon slabs. So, in an appeal to the bleeding hearts, pictures of chickens in itty-bitty cages were shown as evidence of the cruelty towards our future meals, and it worked.

Now, here’s where it becomes pretty clear that these liberal whiners don’t think things through. What do you think will happen to those chickens now? Do you think that the chicken and livestock farmers will suddenly spring for chicken condos and pig apartments to follow the law? Or do you think they’ll just pack up their undersized coops and pigsties and mosey on over to a less humane state? One thing for sure, the price of those whole fryers just got a whole lot higher. And not one single chicken was spared. Imagine that.

o Last night on HBO, I watched a documentary about the US Olympic Hockey team’s transcendent Gold Medal victory in 1980. They pointed out just how far down America was during the financially disastrous Carter administration with double-digit unemployment, double-digit inflation, the Iranian hostage crisis, the Cold War, and a nationwide malaise. And they pointed out how this scrappy band of hockey unknowns was needed to raise the spirits of an entire nation by beating our mortal enemy of the time, and the best hockey team in the world, the USSR.

So, watch out for the US Diving Team against the Chinese in 2012!!

o Nancy Pelosi won her seat in the House of Representatives. Considering she oversaw the biggest financial collapse in 80 years, her re-election shouldn’t have been so easy, but San Francisco liberals are funny that way.

o Al Franken is neck-and-neck in Minnesota to be elected to the Senate. HHH, Mondale, Jesse the Body, and now Al Franken? What…, was Joe Piscopo busy?

o Just so you know, I received at least two write-in votes for Vice-President.