The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport. "You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection"
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
Friday, September 30, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005
Job
Sometimes, my job really pisses me off. I’m a Training Manager/Consultant/Specialist, depending on who you ask. Most around here consider me the Training Manager, mainly because I’m the only sap in this organization who has the word “Training” in my title, so they automatically confer manager status. Technically, I’m a Training Specialist, at least according to my business card. Hell, they could call me Toilet King, as long as the paycheck is auto-deposited.
Anyway, we have some auditor types poking around here, either for SOX or ISO or some other acronymically identified company or regulation. Every time someone is missing some job-related documentation, the assclown managers around here say ‘Go to Todd, he has the training stuff.”, like I’m the all-encompassing repository of all documentation. The reality is that most of these managers wouldn’t know training if it smacked them in the cranium, and like to use training as the scapegoat for all troubles. Salesperson is below quota? Not enough training. Customer Service treats a customer like shit. Bad training. Vending machine runs out of Diet Pepsi. Must need more training…
I’m not gonna throw out the old “if you held a gun to their head, could they do it” argument. At least not yet. How about this one? If I offered them a million dollars to do everything exactly the way they’ve been told, COULD they do it? If yes, then it isn’t a training issue, it’s a motivational issue. For example, each salesperson is required to submit call reports via an online sales force automation tool. They were all trained and all passed the assessment and did their call reports for a couple of months. Now some have stopped doing them, claiming that they “didn’t get enough training”. Listen, dipwad, if you did it correctly ONCE, it’s not a training issue. If you did it correctly for months, it really really isn’t a training issue. I would guess if you were offered 10x your salary to do call reports, you would do more call reports than the rest of the company combined. That’s motivation, not training.
Anyway, we have some auditor types poking around here, either for SOX or ISO or some other acronymically identified company or regulation. Every time someone is missing some job-related documentation, the assclown managers around here say ‘Go to Todd, he has the training stuff.”, like I’m the all-encompassing repository of all documentation. The reality is that most of these managers wouldn’t know training if it smacked them in the cranium, and like to use training as the scapegoat for all troubles. Salesperson is below quota? Not enough training. Customer Service treats a customer like shit. Bad training. Vending machine runs out of Diet Pepsi. Must need more training…
I’m not gonna throw out the old “if you held a gun to their head, could they do it” argument. At least not yet. How about this one? If I offered them a million dollars to do everything exactly the way they’ve been told, COULD they do it? If yes, then it isn’t a training issue, it’s a motivational issue. For example, each salesperson is required to submit call reports via an online sales force automation tool. They were all trained and all passed the assessment and did their call reports for a couple of months. Now some have stopped doing them, claiming that they “didn’t get enough training”. Listen, dipwad, if you did it correctly ONCE, it’s not a training issue. If you did it correctly for months, it really really isn’t a training issue. I would guess if you were offered 10x your salary to do call reports, you would do more call reports than the rest of the company combined. That’s motivation, not training.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Balance of Power
Balance of Power
No, not the Star Trek episode, though I’ll give points to those who recognize the title. IMO, the best single episode.
Anyway, I’m referring to the Legislative, Judicial, and Executive branches of government. Apparently, Senators aren’t happy with their 1/3 of the pie and want to dictate the Judicial side as well. Asking direct questions regarding specific cases is comparable to choosing referees for the Super Bowl based on their favorite teams. Asking those questions and criticizing the likely future Chief Justice while knowing that confirmation is a foregone conclusion just to get some political equity and television facetime is pathetic.
Listen, whether any of the branches choose to admit it, we’re going through a crisis of confidence in the system of government. I’m not one (media) to point fingers (media) at who’s to blame (media), but this crisis is primarily due to the litany of muckraking and rabble-rousing from several sources (media). I almost guarantee you that the majority of these “journalists” came from the generation that read and/or watched “All the President’s Men” and are desperately searching for their own Woodward/Bernstein moment in the sun.
C’mon, a Supreme Court Justice is supposed to INTERPRET the law, and decide whether the law/decision from the lower court is consistent with Constitutional law. They’re not supposed to make laws and, no matter what the ignorant talking heads on TV say, they never have. Now they’ve struck down laws, they’ve upheld laws, they’ve ignored appeals that would have struck down or upheld laws… But they’ve never taken a pen (or typewriter or computer) and written a law. Some legislative clerk had to do that..
So, to both sides of the aisle… take your litmus test questions and stick ‘em in your briefs. Roberts is smarter than you, and seems like a decent, thoughtful jurist. And you senatorial hand-wringers are the ones looking like idealogues.
No, not the Star Trek episode, though I’ll give points to those who recognize the title. IMO, the best single episode.
Anyway, I’m referring to the Legislative, Judicial, and Executive branches of government. Apparently, Senators aren’t happy with their 1/3 of the pie and want to dictate the Judicial side as well. Asking direct questions regarding specific cases is comparable to choosing referees for the Super Bowl based on their favorite teams. Asking those questions and criticizing the likely future Chief Justice while knowing that confirmation is a foregone conclusion just to get some political equity and television facetime is pathetic.
Listen, whether any of the branches choose to admit it, we’re going through a crisis of confidence in the system of government. I’m not one (media) to point fingers (media) at who’s to blame (media), but this crisis is primarily due to the litany of muckraking and rabble-rousing from several sources (media). I almost guarantee you that the majority of these “journalists” came from the generation that read and/or watched “All the President’s Men” and are desperately searching for their own Woodward/Bernstein moment in the sun.
C’mon, a Supreme Court Justice is supposed to INTERPRET the law, and decide whether the law/decision from the lower court is consistent with Constitutional law. They’re not supposed to make laws and, no matter what the ignorant talking heads on TV say, they never have. Now they’ve struck down laws, they’ve upheld laws, they’ve ignored appeals that would have struck down or upheld laws… But they’ve never taken a pen (or typewriter or computer) and written a law. Some legislative clerk had to do that..
So, to both sides of the aisle… take your litmus test questions and stick ‘em in your briefs. Roberts is smarter than you, and seems like a decent, thoughtful jurist. And you senatorial hand-wringers are the ones looking like idealogues.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Headline
Headline on Yahoo News: Hurricane Center may run out of names
Why not get more detailed? Like Hurricane Pickupyourshitandgetoutoftown or Hurricane Dontdeserttheoldpeople or Hurricane Hangontoyourkids?
Or Hurricane Youshouldn’texpecthelpfromFEMA…?
Why not get more detailed? Like Hurricane Pickupyourshitandgetoutoftown or Hurricane Dontdeserttheoldpeople or Hurricane Hangontoyourkids?
Or Hurricane Youshouldn’texpecthelpfromFEMA…?
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
According to SiteMeter, I have about negative-5 readers on this blog each day, which is liberating in a way. I can now use this blog as my personal graffiti, writing whatever and whenever I want, without fear of retribution or recrimination, no matter how outrageous my views may be.
For example, these idiots in Louisiana who are refusing to leave their homes and hampering rescue efforts with their pigheadedness… just shoot them with tranquilizer darts and cart them outta there like they’re livestock. I don’t understand why people are allowed to flagrantly disobey the law, and be treated like they’re making some sort of heroic stand. They’re freakin’ stupid! And it’s little consolation knowing that they’re basically living in a sewer because ultimately I’m gonna be paying for their health care when they’re dying from some bacteriological parasite.
The people I feel bad for are the elderly and the children. Many of the elderly couldn’t leave when told, some were in nursing homes, some were handicapped, some were homebound. Many didn’t have family close enough to evacuate them. I fear many of the dead will be elderly who were either trapped or incapable of leaving their homes, and not by their own choice. Similarly, children who stayed with their parents had little or no choice in the matter. Listen, if you had a car, you should’ve left, especially if you had children. Kids can’t leave on their own, they’re depending on their parents to make the smart, safe choice. And many parents didn’t, opting to risk their children’s lives to make a pointless stand.
And what’s with the flock of liberal shitheads who are trying to pin this on the President? Even the vultures at insurance companies call these situations “Acts of God”. Until W outranks God, I don’t think he’s to blame for the flooding. Now, has the federal government been completely mismanaging the relief/rescue efforts? Yes. Is the Department of Homeland Security a bunch of paper-pushing bureaucratic cubicle retards? Yes. But they didn’t break the levee. Nor did they fail to inspect the pumps that could have mitigated some of the damage. That falls squarely on the state and local governments, who were too busy trying to minimize the negative publicity (lest they damage the tourist industry which represents 99.9% of the money generated by Louisiana) to properly manage the system of levees that protected the city.
The unfortunate reality is that when you build a metropolis in a bowl-shaped valley surrounded by the Mississippi River, protected only by man-made dikes, dams, and levees, you’re asking for trouble. Especially in an area that has hurricanes, oh, every fucking year. Hello? Not a good idea unless you’re gonna spend every penny of taxpayer funds on that system of dikes, dams, and levees… and not on building a network of cathouses, saloons, and tourist traps.
And the American people have come through. Hell, we sent money to tsunami victims in Asia, we sent money to families of the victims of 9/11, we sent money to famine victims in Africa, and now we’re sending boatloads of money to the Red Cross for flood victims. Soon we’ll be sending money to our insurance companies to cover the inevitable increases in our premiums. We’re already sending more money to the oil companies who immediately hitched to the tragedy gravy train by upping gas prices. Money makes the world go around. And it makes the rest of us feel like we’ve done something to help.
In California, we live with the potential of a cataclysmic earthquake every day. No prior notification, no Weather Channel warning, no hurricane siren… nothing. Every school in California teaches an earthquake preparedness plan: water, canned food, etc. If there’s a hugemongous earthquake that cuts off water, gas, and electricity, most of us are prepared. In 1989, freeways collapsed on cars and people. Nobody sent money. Most said “Well, that’s what you get for living in California”. No warning, a mile of the freeway just dropped on top of some people. Truth be told, if given a day’s notice of such a disaster, I’d get the hell outta the Bay Area and far away from the bridges and freeways that ring it. And if I was stupid and pigheaded enough to try to stay home, I certainly wouldn’t demand that the federal government airlift me out of the area and provide me with a mega-sports complex to live in.
We have many choices in America… where we live is a huge one. Each area of the country comes with inherent tradeoffs. Horrible winter storms, blistering heat, earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes, tornadoes, monsoons… no region is exempt. If you choose to live somewhere, you’re accepting the risk. If you live on the San Andreas Fault, you should expect at least one earthquake that might level your home. If you live in Oklahoma, you should expect a tornado that wipes out your farm. If you live in Seattle, you should expect rain and mist 300 days of the year. And if you live in the Gulf region, you should expect hurricanes every year. And if you live in between a bunch of dams and levees, you should expect them to eventually break, especially you live in the Gulf region, especially if it’s hurricane season. And you should prepare accordingly. And not blame others if you didn’t prepare. It’s an ugly reality…. But it’s a reality nonetheless.
For example, these idiots in Louisiana who are refusing to leave their homes and hampering rescue efforts with their pigheadedness… just shoot them with tranquilizer darts and cart them outta there like they’re livestock. I don’t understand why people are allowed to flagrantly disobey the law, and be treated like they’re making some sort of heroic stand. They’re freakin’ stupid! And it’s little consolation knowing that they’re basically living in a sewer because ultimately I’m gonna be paying for their health care when they’re dying from some bacteriological parasite.
The people I feel bad for are the elderly and the children. Many of the elderly couldn’t leave when told, some were in nursing homes, some were handicapped, some were homebound. Many didn’t have family close enough to evacuate them. I fear many of the dead will be elderly who were either trapped or incapable of leaving their homes, and not by their own choice. Similarly, children who stayed with their parents had little or no choice in the matter. Listen, if you had a car, you should’ve left, especially if you had children. Kids can’t leave on their own, they’re depending on their parents to make the smart, safe choice. And many parents didn’t, opting to risk their children’s lives to make a pointless stand.
And what’s with the flock of liberal shitheads who are trying to pin this on the President? Even the vultures at insurance companies call these situations “Acts of God”. Until W outranks God, I don’t think he’s to blame for the flooding. Now, has the federal government been completely mismanaging the relief/rescue efforts? Yes. Is the Department of Homeland Security a bunch of paper-pushing bureaucratic cubicle retards? Yes. But they didn’t break the levee. Nor did they fail to inspect the pumps that could have mitigated some of the damage. That falls squarely on the state and local governments, who were too busy trying to minimize the negative publicity (lest they damage the tourist industry which represents 99.9% of the money generated by Louisiana) to properly manage the system of levees that protected the city.
The unfortunate reality is that when you build a metropolis in a bowl-shaped valley surrounded by the Mississippi River, protected only by man-made dikes, dams, and levees, you’re asking for trouble. Especially in an area that has hurricanes, oh, every fucking year. Hello? Not a good idea unless you’re gonna spend every penny of taxpayer funds on that system of dikes, dams, and levees… and not on building a network of cathouses, saloons, and tourist traps.
And the American people have come through. Hell, we sent money to tsunami victims in Asia, we sent money to families of the victims of 9/11, we sent money to famine victims in Africa, and now we’re sending boatloads of money to the Red Cross for flood victims. Soon we’ll be sending money to our insurance companies to cover the inevitable increases in our premiums. We’re already sending more money to the oil companies who immediately hitched to the tragedy gravy train by upping gas prices. Money makes the world go around. And it makes the rest of us feel like we’ve done something to help.
In California, we live with the potential of a cataclysmic earthquake every day. No prior notification, no Weather Channel warning, no hurricane siren… nothing. Every school in California teaches an earthquake preparedness plan: water, canned food, etc. If there’s a hugemongous earthquake that cuts off water, gas, and electricity, most of us are prepared. In 1989, freeways collapsed on cars and people. Nobody sent money. Most said “Well, that’s what you get for living in California”. No warning, a mile of the freeway just dropped on top of some people. Truth be told, if given a day’s notice of such a disaster, I’d get the hell outta the Bay Area and far away from the bridges and freeways that ring it. And if I was stupid and pigheaded enough to try to stay home, I certainly wouldn’t demand that the federal government airlift me out of the area and provide me with a mega-sports complex to live in.
We have many choices in America… where we live is a huge one. Each area of the country comes with inherent tradeoffs. Horrible winter storms, blistering heat, earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes, tornadoes, monsoons… no region is exempt. If you choose to live somewhere, you’re accepting the risk. If you live on the San Andreas Fault, you should expect at least one earthquake that might level your home. If you live in Oklahoma, you should expect a tornado that wipes out your farm. If you live in Seattle, you should expect rain and mist 300 days of the year. And if you live in the Gulf region, you should expect hurricanes every year. And if you live in between a bunch of dams and levees, you should expect them to eventually break, especially you live in the Gulf region, especially if it’s hurricane season. And you should prepare accordingly. And not blame others if you didn’t prepare. It’s an ugly reality…. But it’s a reality nonetheless.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
The pictures from the Gulf Coast are horrifying. The scope of devastation in that region is a sobering reminder of the power of nature. My family sends our prayers to the damaged region and the survivors, as well as money in the form of donations to the Red Cross, which is one of the few charities I actually trust to disburse the funds.
All that being said, if I were ever warned about an impending earthquake (this is California, after all) and given 12 hours to evacuate, you damn well know that I would be hundreds of miles away from the epicenter with my family, my dog, and my supplies. After the 1989 earthquake, I heard from people saying shit like “Well, that’s what you get for living in California”.
Listen, we have earthquakes all the time here. Most are small and feel like a big truck is passing by, or that a car just hit the building. We have severe damage maybe once every twenty years, and catastrophic destruction about once every century. The southeastern US has “hurricane SEASON”, an entire section of the year where hurricanes are not only common, but expected.
The smart ones are people that evacuated their homes in Louisiana and Mississippi. They lost their homes and most of their possessions. But not their lives. Why would anyone stay in the hurricane’s path? Do they somehow think that their presence would have an effect on winds of 140+ miles per hour? Leave, dammit. Homes can be rebuilt. Once you’re dead, lives cannot be resuscitated.
Now the looting has begun. Not only in the affected cities, but at every single gas pump in the country. Gas prices jumped by 10%, seemingly overnight, when the reports of refinery damage were shown. Hey, you asshole gas station owner, the price of the gas in your underground tank didn’t change. You’re just using the crude oil price jump as an excuse to jack up your pump prices despite the fact that the gas YOU ALREADY BOUGHT didn’t suddenly increase in price. So, using that same logic, the next time crude oil prices drop, your pump prices should drop immediately too. But I know they won’t, you money grubbing weasels.
Here’s hoping that the intelligent people (evacuees) get first dibs on relief, and the stubborn people who stayed against all reason don’t absorb all the money because of their more desperate situation. This’ll never happen, but I want my money to go to people who evacuated their homes and lost all their possessions, and not to people who stayed home and are living on overpasses because they refused to leave despite all warnings.
All that being said, if I were ever warned about an impending earthquake (this is California, after all) and given 12 hours to evacuate, you damn well know that I would be hundreds of miles away from the epicenter with my family, my dog, and my supplies. After the 1989 earthquake, I heard from people saying shit like “Well, that’s what you get for living in California”.
Listen, we have earthquakes all the time here. Most are small and feel like a big truck is passing by, or that a car just hit the building. We have severe damage maybe once every twenty years, and catastrophic destruction about once every century. The southeastern US has “hurricane SEASON”, an entire section of the year where hurricanes are not only common, but expected.
The smart ones are people that evacuated their homes in Louisiana and Mississippi. They lost their homes and most of their possessions. But not their lives. Why would anyone stay in the hurricane’s path? Do they somehow think that their presence would have an effect on winds of 140+ miles per hour? Leave, dammit. Homes can be rebuilt. Once you’re dead, lives cannot be resuscitated.
Now the looting has begun. Not only in the affected cities, but at every single gas pump in the country. Gas prices jumped by 10%, seemingly overnight, when the reports of refinery damage were shown. Hey, you asshole gas station owner, the price of the gas in your underground tank didn’t change. You’re just using the crude oil price jump as an excuse to jack up your pump prices despite the fact that the gas YOU ALREADY BOUGHT didn’t suddenly increase in price. So, using that same logic, the next time crude oil prices drop, your pump prices should drop immediately too. But I know they won’t, you money grubbing weasels.
Here’s hoping that the intelligent people (evacuees) get first dibs on relief, and the stubborn people who stayed against all reason don’t absorb all the money because of their more desperate situation. This’ll never happen, but I want my money to go to people who evacuated their homes and lost all their possessions, and not to people who stayed home and are living on overpasses because they refused to leave despite all warnings.
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