Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Off with their heads!

After living in California for over forty years, I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me when an activist judge imposes himself upon a voter-mandated penalty. And I have to give this judge props for his ingenuity in at least figuring out a NEW loophole for the bleeding hearts to prolong a pointless life against the public’s wishes and mandates. After all, the whole “cruel and unusual punishment” argument doesn’t hold much pathos when the murderer in question tortured and raped a young girl repeatedly before killing her.

And guess who appointed him to the federal court…? That’s right, Bill Clinton. Is anyone surprised? Considering a judge is supposed to be non-partisan, it seems a bit odd that EVERY single appeal by a death row inmate is heard and actioned by a Clinton appointee. Gee, do you think they deliberately do that? Essentially, it’s a numbers game. If you file enough appeals on various spurious grounds, at least ONE of them will make it to a liberal bench, and you can pretty much firm up those reservations for the rest of your life on the taxpayer’s dime.

OK, so my arena idea is sorta barbaric. Here’s one. Since we’re so fucking concerned about humanely ending this inhumane life, why don’t we make it as fast as possible? Gas chambers are inhumane (boo hoo), electric chairs are inhumane (boo boo hoo), lethal injections are inhumane (boo boo boo hoo)… And to a small extent (very very small), I can see some of the point. We’re not sure how much gas someone needs to inhale to die, we’re not sure how much electricity it takes to kill the whole body, we’re not sure how much pain they might feel from the lethal overdose.

So bring out the guillotine! I can pretty well guarantee that if the guy’s head is rolling around a couple of yards away from his body that he’s dead. Not only that, but a nice sharp heavy blade, and the fucker won’t know what hit him. Problem solved. Quick.

Friday, February 10, 2006

The Great One?

Who is worse, Gretzky or Rose?

If you had asked me this three days ago, I would’ve stared blankly at you, like Tara Reid deciphering a slide rule. Gretzky was the most prolific scorer in hockey history, and widely considered to be one of the nicest guys around, cleaner than AC Green’s bedsheets. Rose was the most prolific hitter in baseball history, and widely considered to be one of the most arrogant pricks around, dirtier than Wilt Chamberlain’s bedsheets.

My, my, how times have changed.

So I ask you now, who is worse, a compulsive gambler or a bookie? Certainly, Pete Rose’s personality hurts him here. He’s not just a compulsive (and bad) gambler. He’s an ass and a greedy one at that, so he can hardly be painted as a wronged victim. He felt his gambling addiction (by the way, apparently still in full bloom) was above the rules of the game, certainly he felt that he was above Bowie Kuhn. The funny thing is that I think people would have gotten past the gambling-on-baseball issue long ago if Rose hadn’t been so pugnacious and obstinate about his “innocence”.

But a bookie is essentially a parasite, feeding off of the addictions of others. So who is the bad guy, the organized crime boss who controls the media and runs the numbers game, or the asshole scumbag who gambles away his money and his career? While Gretzky may not have actually booked the bets, he certainly seems to have known about the bookmaking activity and tacitly condoned it. And then lied about it. Multiple times. Hell, his wife was the biggest customer. Wouldn’t it be ironic if we found out that Pete Rose booked bets through Rick Tocchet? Whose side would you be on then?

And enough about Janet Jones being “hot”. That train left the station years ago. In fact, check out “A Chorus Line” again. (Yeah, I own it. Charlie “I can do that” McGowan lived around the corner from me when I was a kid. I’m not gay. Honest.) She had a nice body, but her face was heavily lined twenty-five years ago. And she was a terrible actress. Apparently, she’s just as good at gambling.

Gretzky’s fall will be much more precipitous because he HAD our trust. We believed him. It’ll be interesting to see how long it takes Tocchet to roll over on him and tag “The Great One” as the Puckfather, the great and powerful Gretz. Pay no attention to the 99 behind the curtain. All those Lady Byng trophies for sportsmanship and gentlemanly behavior (or behaviour)? On Ebay.

And Pete Rose still doesn’t belong in the Hall of Fame. Just because some other guy proves to be a scumbag too doesn’t diminish the dirt on Pete.